This year


Once again that disclaimer is there for a purpose as complete strangers like to quote from this blog out loud, where I can hear them.

Yelling folks, people from the past popping up, learning new things, focusing on some things I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, finger-pointing, etc.

This year is going to be a roller coaster.

So I’ve got to work on the things I want right away and maybe just maybe I won’t have to worry about some of this crap.

Funny thing is usually when I try to get things right someone comes in and messes things up.

Last time my stuff got stolen.  They broke in and took my things.  So I’m just waiting again.  My neighbors always seem to know what I have in my home.  I’m telling you I heard them discussing what’s in my home more than once.  Even the new neighbors.  Called me a dirty black girl.  Funny how did they know I’m black?  I’ve never seen them.  Not dirty either, but of course people who don’t know me, make up shit.  So yeah.   So just waiting.

I hate to say it, but I’m thinking someone was able to get in and still gets in.  I don’t see why.  But people are weird.  I blame one person for that.  There’s nothing they can tell me either that would make me think otherwise.  Well one thing would make me feel better.  If all the stuff that was stolen was brought back, maybe just maybe I’ll stop thinking it’s their fault.  Good luck.  The people who had my computer…well they probably never gave it back probably found it dead in the room where they left it.

So yeah this year is going to be different.  Several projects on my mind.  Now to get back to some things.   Lata.





Lots of things


So this Hollywood harassment stuff. Everyone has their opinions. I love to listen to men talk about it.

Statistically speaking based on what poll you follow a lot of women have reported being sexually assaulted and or harassed. It goes from 54% to 75% to 90%. That’s not just in Hollywood. That’s everyday women who work, stay at home, in school, etc. There is obviously a problem.

Why women won’t say anything? Want to know why? More than likely your boss is a man and you feel like you need your job and you want to keep your job. So if you speak up you will lose your job. There will be harassment by your coworkers because they are going to side with the boss, retaliation, and bullying. It will turn to a hostile work place. Some women will just leave and start someone where else, where it starts all over again.

Another reason is, rape and assault is not always taken seriously by authorities. A lot of women are afraid to tell anyone. When I say authorities, it could mean anyone you would feel safe to tell someone. There’s always that well are you sure that’s what happened? Is that what you remember? Maybe you just imagined it? It’s usually a he said -she said thing.

Rape kits are great to use, but some women usually don’t go straight to the police when it happens. They are afraid. They don’t think they will be believed. I mean it’s great that we have the database, but if things are backlogged, the person can continue to rape and possibly never get caught.

The other problem is that men can and are also sexually assaulted. When a man talks about it, it’s even worse than for a woman. It’s kind of sad. I can imagine the comments. “You let her do what? You’re a man, no way that could have happened.” Then there would be straight up laughter. Straight up disbelief and I’m thinking they think they are not men.

Assault can be from a parent, a family member, a neighbor, a spouse, a religious figure, a teacher, a doctor, and anyone who believes they are more powerful than you. I am speaking collectively, men, women, and children have been assaulted by someone in one of those categories. These people take advantage of your vulnerability. Most of the time it’s from someone you know. Then they scare them into not telling someone, and even when they do, they aren’t believed. It’s discouraging right?  You should still speak up.

Talk to the older generations. Depending on whom you talk to, you might run across some misogynists. These are men who seem to hate women and only see them as one thing, sex objects. It’s always the woman’s fault. If she didn’t wear that, she wouldn’t have gotten raped. You put yourself in that position. Totally ignorant. It’s the 11 year old’s fault the adult took advantage of them. Some women think that way too, but I have a hunch they were part of that generation, raised that way, or just don’t realize they are like that.

So my point, listening to people, they think this is just a bunch of women hopping on a band wagon. A whole bunch of people, not just women feel more open to tell their story. Some of these stories were told a while back, but no one listened. So I commend them, and now it’s time for us to discuss this. It’s time for parents to encourage their daughters and sons to speak up and actually listen to them.

We all know the term of the casting couch. A lot of people know and knew what that meant. You had to put out to get famous. Now I hope most of that was just not true. Especially, considering when you look through Hollywood at its infancy, there were a lot of young undearge actresses. Try to think about that.  Why I hope that the “casting couch,” wasn’t a real thing.

I don’t think people realize this is a silent problem. Talk to your mother or your father. I know several women who have been assaulted. I have been. Ask a woman or a man have they been pinned down by anyone before. Ask a man or woman if they have given in to sex because they didn’t want to get beat or raped. Maybe if I give in they’ll leave. It’s not something that doesn’t happen. Ask a man or woman how many times have they been groped by someone. How many times have you been followed by someone? How many times do you look over your shoulder late at night? Have you ever been trapped in someones car until you gave in?  Maybe asking those questions will open the eyes of everyone and make them realize it’s an issue.

Another issue is that now everyone is trying to figure out what sexual assault is.  To the point where the hypothetical situations are strange.  If you grope someone, it’s usually not by accident.  If you place your hand down someone’s top and touch their breasts without their permission, that not by accident.  If you grab someones body parts without their permission it’s not by accident.  Yes there will be times when you accidentally bump into someone and might accidentally touch their stuff.  That happens, but if you do it more than once, then I’m thinking that’s not an accident.

Are dress codes made to keep people from being sexually assaulted?  I don’t know I wonder about that.  Can’t show your shoulders?  Low cut tops a no-no.  Short skirts? When someone wants to sexually assault someone it doesn’t matter what they are wearing.  Maybe not even having those thoughts would help, it has nothing to do with clothing.  Even someone dressed covered up from head to toe still can be assaulted.

This topic is a serious issue.  Hopefully good things will come out of this.   Hopefully…




Net neutrality

Well  the Republicans think Obama did this.  Really voters actually petitioned and called their congressmen to get this taken  care of.  The government listened and took the side of the people.

I swear this shows a lot of racism.  Not really shocked at all.  We have a lot of conservative liberals who are still stuck in the good old days.  I got told that was nonsense, but what do you see everyday.   Back to the old days when the rich get richer and the poorer get poor and the middle class disappears.

The first shall become the last.

Any way.  If the internet providers keep saying they won’t raise prices, they are full of shit.  My bill has increased, not just from them, but from everything on the internet.

Big business not lie?  Haha!  Hold on hold my drink why I fall on the floor laughing.  We all know the truth about that.

Well what do you expect?

History repeats itself and we never learn.  Humans never learn and we always suffer.

Well I’m out.

What it’s like


Do you know what it’s like to live in fear?  You can’t tell, but I’m always afraid.  I am afraid to talk to people, to get to know people.  I am afraid to trust.

Every morning I wake up wondering if someone has come into my home while I”m asleep.  I wonder if they will come in my home while I’m at work.  I wonder if they did something to my vehicle.  I wonder how much money they took out of my bank account.  I wonder if when I leave is someone waiting for me to leave to break in.  Is someone following me?  Is someone going to hurt me?

That’s what I fear.  I can’t do any business over my phone.  I have to hear someone repeat phone conversations and text messages.  Even my social media, my blog, everything is shared with people I don’t know.  Strangers violating me every day.  Looking for ways to get me.  Every fucking day.  What it feels like to have people laugh at you or even make fun of your sorrow.  It’s like every day someone is trying to find ways to hurt you.

How far would they go? Would they murder your friend or your family member? Would they get someone to do that?  Depends on how angry they are about what they were told.  Every time I find out someone I care about is gone, I wonder if it’s because of me.  Is it because someone who hates me so much is willing to hurt me by getting rid of those close to me?

To wake every day knowing if I talk on my phone to the bank, or the doctor’s office, there’s someone listening and laughing or talking about you going to the doctor.  I can’t even enjoy video games any more.  Why should I bother buying one of the new consoles?  Someone who wants to hurt me will just find a way to get them taken from me.  Forget a desktop computer.

This is all because of something I was told was something in my mind, however everyone knows about it and talks about it.  Why would you act like I”m the most horrible person in the world?  Why tell everyone I threatened someone if it wasn’t because of that?

I have to go around every day knowing what happened to me.  I know I didn’t make it up when someone is trying to hurt me, or murder me.  Nothing like that feeling to always know you’re a night’s sleep from death.

Every time I have car trouble I think it’s been done on purpose.

Anytime something goes wrong, I think it’s because of someone getting back at me.  I can’t even enjoy holidays or birthdays.  I’m always afraid.  My bank account is always drained around the holidays.  I don’t even use it that much.

It hurts listening to everyone talk about all the presents they bought for their family when you know someone has access to something they shouldn’t.

So yeah every day sucks for me.  I wake up  afraid and go to bed afraid.  Most of the day is trying not to be afraid.  The little things I’m afraid of, are nothing compared to what I feel every day.  It’s even worse now, due to some things that happened.

So yeah it sucks.  People can be really cruel if they believe what someone says and takes it at heart.  Knowing how far someone will go for vengeance is scary and has led to murder.  Hitler comes to mind.  He took out everything on the Jews and it was easy for him to convince others to believe him.  He had a good story to tell others.  That’s all they needed.  I could get a bit more historical nerd on you, but still people believed him, and look what they did.  You should read about all of the horrible experiments that were conducted on twins, and children, and etc.  Still no one went against him, or if they did they were killed.

The fear that no matter where I move someone will move there just to torment me. The fear that if I move with loved ones they would hurt them.  The fear that even if I moved to a different state or country I would still have the same issues.

People like to gossip.

Once again I think someone assumes I do other things besides what I actually do.

Any way I’d thought I’d share.  I hate always looking over my shoulder.



A response


I’d like to say to my neighbors who asked if the reason why the other neighbors treat me badly is because of them, then the answer would be yes.  Why if you are telling everyone how horrible I am someone might get it in their mind to follow me around go through my things, you know like break in my home. I mean if you tell someone I hurt someone, not really know the real truth, then yeah you’re going to have people help you hurt me.  I mean someone was planning to steal all of my belongings while I was at a funeral.  I mean someone was even planning on killing me or how do you say murder me.  So yeah the walls are not thick, people are opportunists.  I mean I’ve been called an opportunist.  Yet I won’t take anyone’s things.  Why did you ask someone who needs attention and possibly was doing illegal things.  Also someone who really would find any excuse not to work. There was an excuse to get into my place I know.  That investigator wasn’t happy about that, but I digress.

Also, how the hell do you know what I’m posting on my social media?  I don’t have any of my neighbors on there.  Oh yea…that’s right my phone.  That darn program Claudi added to my phone that everyone seems to know about and knows when I’m doing this or that.  Ah yes.  Where people repeat my text messages out-loud and my voice mail.  Hell you repeat this out loud, I mean you yell outside my window so yeah.  Oh yeah even when someone repeats the music I was listening to.  Man I must have my own website.  Also are you still monitoring my bank account?  I know some of you aren’t around any more, but it was really nice to hear how much money was in my account.  I really need to talk to the bank about letting anyone have access to my account especially certain people.  I wonder if someone has access to…that would be a breach.   Not sure if…might have to make a phone call soon.   Oh no, not on that phone.

Also man do you get upset when I change all of my accounts.  I had to.  My computer was stolen.  Maybe you still have access to this, but I know you have access to an email address I have to stop things from going to it.  How do I know you do?  Because when I was changing my accounts around again, I heard you talking about How much I knew.  Here’s the kicker, I’ve always known.  You know how much I paid the electric company and made comments about it.  You weren’t very discreet.

So yeah.  All you people out there in the public.  If anything ever happens to me you might want to tell the police to check with my neighbors first.  I’m sure by then they’ll have taken what they wanted.

Do I think my neighbors are criminals?  No I think they are opportunists.  I also think they were told that I hurt one of their friends, family member, or something like that.  What does that mean, well it means people see red.  They believe lies especially from a liar and go from there.  They don’t even think about if it’s right or wrong, but because she hurt M.  then we’ll hurt her.  We’ll see where she’s going etc.  Follow her around.  Read her text messages.  Listen to her phone calls to see who’s she’s talking to.  OH man pretend we’re her friends on Facebook and even in text messages.  Yeah that’s how crazy someone can be and go if they believe a lie, especially when the truth is M. never liked me and more than likely things were done in a way to try to get me fired.  So remember that.  I hope you are learning the truth now from your sources.  Yes they do know you are here.

Any way.  Peace!

All those secrets


It’s a well known fact that people hold in a lot of secrets.  I do.  I don’t tell people everything, however, this blog for example has been passed around at my work place.   I never shared it with any of my coworkers, to put it frankly because they were not very nice.  They weren’t nice and I didn’t and still don’t think they should have access to this but thanks to a Claud everyone knows.  I still feel the wrath of some.  I am actually close friends with a few, but will always question when one of the “others” are being nice to me.

I hold a lot of stuff in because I know people would have a hard time believing what I have to say.  For example hearing the people discussing a replay of watching someone break into your apartment.  I often found it interesting that whomever broke in knew exactly where everything was like they were watching me.  Like a camera was right on me.  Yeah cameras exist, they still do on laptops, and you can place one in any anyone’s home if you are stealthy enough.  So why did they say “it was a nice calm living room and then all of a sudden daylight shone in.”  Sounds like a camera to me right?

Or for example hearing someone discuss a computer they have and exclaim, “That was hers!”

Or hearing someone get upset because you are on the phone only to make sure that they tell someone it’s your friend.  Or your neighbors making sure that the person or people at your house, are your family, or etc.  Who the fuck cares who I’m talking to?  Who the fuck cares who’s at my house?  Only psycho stalkers care about that stuff.

This is why I can’t do any important business on my cell phone.  Fuck that shit.  I only do business in person, and I have told the places that I do business with, not to assume anything.

Also, when I go to someones house, I get followed.  It’s always a female.  I go over there a place everyone knows me or knows why I’m there.  I go out to my car after going where I need to go and then there she is.  Watching me and talking on the phone.  I thought maybe it’s a neighbor, but then she did it a few more times.  Why?  I don’t know.  Crazy maybe?  Being paid maybe, maybe making sure they can freely go in my home.  I’m not sure.

It’s because I turn my phone off.  Whenever I turn my phone off, some people seem to get frustrated.  They assume it’s just when I go to the doctor.  Oh no.  I turn it off when I want.  The worse thing is when you hear them play your voicemail trying to see where you were.  Yeah the voicemail on my cell phone that I can hear loud enough from close by.

I’m so tired of people not believing me or acting like I’m crazy.

Really so when I text someone, I always hear someone repeat it.  Not sure why?  Don’t you have something better to do?  Isn’t there a law against that.  I mean the government has a reason, but if you aren’t the government, or need to know, then that makes you a stalker.

The problem is that some people seem to think I’m completely oblivious.  So when I went to a funeral and I sang at the funeral, I am well aware some ass I didn’t want there was there and has a recording of me singing.  So something else to make fun of me about.  However, if you understood one thing, you forgot to tell her.  She was planning on breaking into my place and stealing everything else.

Plus that investigator can’t believe all of the shit, can they.  They aren’t very happy with everything.  They blame certain people for everything that happened.  I mean that computer was vital for that investigation especially after Vincent put that program on it and downloaded my hard drive.  Between Vincent and Victor, they were looking for “proof”  what proof?  Not sure.  I mean I had to get my birth certificate.  I have been fingerprinted, but because I was working some where that required it.  If you want proof of something illegal, read above.  No subpoena to steal contents from someones hard drive.  Illegally got access to someones apartment, and the apartment manager thought I never knew.  The office told the maintenance I had a psycho old boyfriend.  Was he a skinny Asian guy?  Well there’s the problem there.  I don’t usually date Asian guys, not that I don’t want to, but I tend to date other types of guys.  So the office messed up there.  I’m surprised they never met my boyfriend who was there while I was working.  The neighbors met him, but the office never noticed.  I am also well aware of the pictures that were taken of my home.  What proof?

Ah I know.  I’m an addict maybe?  You know because all black people do drugs, alcohol, etc..  Or maybe because I’m an illegal citizen.  Yeah…that one that one’s crazy especially when your family has been around for centuries and were ex slaves.  Documented ex slaves at that.  So yeah…find any drugs?  I hate the smell of pot.  I hate taking legal drugs/medicine, why the fuck would I take illegal drugs?  Plus I know the side effects of both legal and illegal drugs.  Alcohol inhibits peoples functions.  I don’t think so.  Tried it didn’t like it.  Actually my doctors would be mad at me right now because I stopped taking some of my medicine because it wasn’t making me feel good.  I have a lot of issues with taking prescribed medication. Sometimes it makes me sicker, so I hate taking it.  So me ever taking a handful of random pills, will always end badly for me.

You know I’ve had my bank account stolen.  I’m also almost certain someone was trying to use my information to get them a house *cough* Stephanie.  So yeah.  I have to put a block on some things and when My activity is abnormal my account gets blocked.  So yeah.  Nothing like always having that fear.

It all started with something that no one believed me, but everyone knows about.  That I’ll keep tight lipped because everyone knows.

I often wonder how far corporations would go?  I mean if you work in the government I expect them to be in your face, maybe following everything you do closely.  I mean they don’t want you to be a spy or whatever you could get in trouble for.  Still they don’t seem to be that crazy unless you alert them to you.   Just curious.  When would it be necessary for a corporation to spy on someone.

Any way.  I will try not to type too much.  I’m a bit tired and I might rant about something crazy. LOL

Merry Christmas!


I’d like to say Merry Christmas to everyone!

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays!, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and if I’m missing some sayings, sorry.  I need to do more research on that.

Hope you had a good one.

Well you know if anything happens to me then I’ve explained it last post.

This year doesn’t feel like Christmas.  The commercialism is still there, but it just feels like a normal day.

Well I’m out!  Have a great rest of your day!

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