Now you know

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Hopefully you have found out what I’ve known for a very long time.  The Truth.  None of it was true.  No interest, just a little game.  Remember I said people like to treat me like I’m a joke.  It was a little game.

You know when you believe a lie that someone tells you and you react to it, which includes hurting, harming, violating someones privacy, having access to their bank account, or even having access to someones home.  Then when you find out the truth how does it make you feel?

It was all a lie a fabrication you see.  It’s a way to get back at me.  When someone instills fear in someone because of a lie someone told, then well people try to get rid of you.  That’s in more ways than one.

So yeah I have a hard time believing someone who constantly spews lies.

So hopefully you learned maybe.  I know some people have a hard time knowing a lie from the truth.

So hopefully…

Any way.  I’ve been up to some things.  Working on myself and realizing some things.  The world is not a safe place for anyone it seems.  So much violence and hate.  For what?  So much human life has been lost due to hate.

I’m not one to say what one person believes is wrong.  Still can you imagine how a belief could cause so much hate.  So much pain.  Just so much terror.  There are so many reasons for things.  Sometimes people do things due to their religious beliefs, their racial beliefs, and just any beliefs they were taught or told.  It can cause so much harm due to it.

Well I’m out.

 

Somethings been on my mind.

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For a while now I’ve been wondering about something.  It’s been in the back of my mind.  I shouldn’t say, but I guess I will.

So you know that picture I took on my phone that I showed my friend in a text message between me and them and not any of my coworkers or neighbors.  You know that one picture.  Did you show him?  Did you show him that picture from my phone that I never sent to him or you?  Did you show it to him after he came back from South Carolina?  Did you fucking showing him?   You know if you did it’s all over work isn’t it?  He could never keep anything to himself.  Also you know that’s a violation of my privacy and a violation of federal and state laws.  Meaning that you’re doing something illegal.

Whew that felt good to unload.

Well this time of year usually is burning hot and it is.

Man I have a lot of things on my plate that I want to do.  It’s interesting.

I finally looked up something that confused me when I was younger.  Now I get it.

I’ve been getting back to doing the things I really enjoyed doing.

I’m also exploring places and learning about new things.   It’s never too late to learn something new.  Remember that.

Well I have a few things I need to do.

 

 

 

I’ve been thinking….I’ve been thinking

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I was thinking you know it would make sense right.  One of my coworkers wants to get a gaming system.  I remember going in someones place when they weren’t there and being caught by the workers working in their home, but they never said anything.  When I was in there I noticed that they had gaming systems.  Well hell, it’s better to steal those instead of encouraging them to go to a pawn shop, put one on lay away, rent to own, or be content.  Why don’t I encourage someone to break in and help steal those for someone.  Yea, that’s the ticket!

Deadpool!!!

Mad Max!!!!

Nothing like looking at how  much money is in someone else’s bank account and discuss it with other people while that person is around.  Hell I’ll even laugh about it and pretend it’s mine.  Wow isn’t that great.  If only they knew, I wouldn’t be getting praised every day.

Man too bad every time I try to get access to their bank account I can’t.  Damn they keep changing the password.

You know I should eavesdrop on people’s phone conversations and miss hear everything.  What…they have a washer and dry.  They had a washer and dryer.  They are talking to their friend…how the hell do you know that.  That’s their father.  Ummm….excuse me is there a camera in here?

Could you scream a bit louder when you’re reading things?  I love it.  It kind of confirms a lot.  Could you do it right outside my door or window.  I really appreciate it.  It makes me so comfortable and makes me want to be great friends with everyone.

Finally you realize I’m not talking about those co-workers, yet still you continue, but why?  Are you getting paid.

You know I hate doing things on my phone.  I don’t even have blue tooth on or the GPS tracking thing.

I’m not a two-year old if I want to go have fun I will and if I want to fuck someone I will too.  What are you going to do track me and watch?  Pervert!

By the way when my phone is off…it’s not because of that one thing.  I might want to turn it off sometimes.  Now I have good reason to don’t I?

Is it illegal for someone who knows the laws to encourage someone else to do something illegal?

So…umm can you still tell who’s typing what and what computer I may or may not be using.  Yeah.  Is it me or is it my ghost writer.

Any way I better get going.  I have a lot to do.

Pfffftttttt!

Sometimes

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Sometimes I don’t want to get up in the mornings.

Sometimes I stare at all of my medicine and wonder if I should make a cocktail of them all and drink.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone really and truly cares.

Sometimes I wonder who I can really trust.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone realizes what I’ve been through.

Sometimes I do want to kill myself.

Sometimes I wish my neighbors would stay out of my business.

Sometimes I wish my neighbors wouldn’t scream at the top of their lungs what they read or listen to, that includes this blog, phone conversations, and God knows what else.

Sometimes I realize I don’t have to always help everyone one.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone realizes that my family isn’t the same as theirs.  I can’t just walk down the street or around a corner and visit them.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and save and help more people.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t me.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so nice.

Sometimes I wish people didn’t think I was an idiot.

Sometimes I wish people knew that when I say I try, I really mean I’m trying.

Sometimes I wish people took the time to get to know me instead of asking someone else who only thinks they know me.

Sometimes I wish people didn’t assume.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so tired.

Sometimes I wonder will I ever think that any place I work at will not be the same as every place I’ve worked at.

Sometimes I wish someone could walk in my shoes and live my life from the beginning and understand why I’m me.

Sometimes I wish I had done something different.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t in so much pain or hurting.

Sometimes I think no one cares.

Sometimes I try too hard.

Sometimes I don’t try hard enough.

Sometimes it’s hard dealing with things.

Sometimes I put on a facade because I don’t want anyone asking me questions.

Sometimes I don’t think anyone wants me around.

Sometimes I think people are always trying to get rid of me, especially at work.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a liability.

Sometimes I do cry.

Sometimes my neighbors make fun of me because I’m crying without knowing why.

Sometimes I get made fun of for crying.

Sometimes crying is great way to relieve pressure.

Sometimes I don’t want to eat.

Sometimes I don’t feel well, but I keep going.

Sometimes I don’t want to be alone.

Sometimes I want to be alone.

Sometimes I need help.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone would try to help me.

Sometimes I think people enjoy watching me suffer.

Nurse Bob

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Bob sat in the room.  He felt like a prisoner.  He had been removed from the general population and placed in solitary confinement.  He was a prisoner in that sense.  Not only was he put in that room, he was doing a job no one else wanted to do.  It was strait up bullshit.  He would hear them argue about how no one wanted to do his job.  I guess that’s going to keep him there for a while.

Still when they heard him cry and being upset, why would they think he didn’t have a reason to cry.  Why make fun of someone.  Why act like that moment of pain wasn’t worth it.  They fucking didn’t know what it was like to know the people where you work, the people where you go to church, and even the people where you live were watching you and talking about you like you were a terrorist, a crime boss, or even a serial killer.

Everyone knew every intimate thing about him again.  They even knew about his family member.  He couldn’t take a shit without someone knowing.  Unlike the other place when he went to the bathroom no one was following him around.  Even when he went in the elevator he knew they followed him.  He knew when he went to lunch or on break someone would be taking it with him. Just so they could keep their eye on him.  Like he was going to steal his own lunch.

Still here he was again, the butt of the joke, the whisper in the hallway.  Everyone was talking about him.  He couldn’t do anything.  They tried to smile in his face, but he knew the whole truth.  He knew why he was separated.  He knew why he put in that room.  So everyone could freely talk about him, like he was a freak on display.  He was in solitary confinement.  I prisoner.  Of course he was a prisoner.  Anytime you want to keep someone from someone else, you put them in a prison.

Laudie Daw

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Well I’ve been doing some things.  Learning some strengths and weaknesses.  Learning that I have some things to over come.

Sometimes people say things and they don’t realize how it can make someone believe them.  Right now I’m supposedly dating someone and I’ve aged two years in two days.  Try to do rumor control on that one.

So kind of thinking about some things.  Sometimes I think it would be easier if I did some of the things I’m thinking about.

Eh well I still wish people weren’t keen on making sure they express that they read something.

Still I have a lot of fear.  Fear of being hurt especially by people who don’t know the whole truth about something.

Well I’m out for now.

Not wanting someone to think you’re a criminal

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I know someone who got offended because someone treated them like a criminal.

Hell I still get followed in stores when I know they can see me on camera.

Funny if you don’t want someone to think you’re a criminal then don’t act like one.

For example if someone can tell you how much money you have in your bank account and have access to your Social Security Number, then what are you to think? Are you to not think that they would take money out of your account?  Are you to not think that they might try to use your information to steal your identity?

Would I be surprised that someone did that to me?  No.  I’m afraid to even buy new things and bring them in my home, even when I need the new things.  Why?  Well it probably would just get taken.  That would suck right?

I mean I’m pretty sure people who read this, who I never shared this with take offense when they read it.  Well if they never were introduced to it by her, whichever her it was, they wouldn’t get upset about what I write.  They wouldn’t discuss it out loud where I could hear them.  Plus I’m pretty sure they’ll purposely do something so I know they’ve read it.

Still most people will believe anything from someone who is always in their business.  Not sure why.  I don’t like people in my business, but they are aren’t they.

 

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