Where am I now

Well I know I’m at a better place than I was last year.  Still have a lot of things to work on.  Still have things I deal with.  Still afraid.

I have learned that I can forgive, but I really can’t forget.  Hard to forget some things.  It’s going to be that way for a while.

I try to be happy.  Try to be me, even though people have decided who I am without even knowing me.

I try to protect those I care about and show them, that I love them.  I want them to know that.

Meeting cool peeps.

Overall I feel a lot better.

I have a lot to do.

Well I will talk to you later.

Strange things people do


It’s strange how people will want to get to know someone, but instead of asking that person, they will ask someone else.  Someone who thinks they know them.  Someone who only knows bits and pieces.  Someone who can only repeat what they hear from someone else, or what they want to make up about that person.  If you want to know someone it’s probably a better idea to talk to them.

That’s why I tell people all of the time they don’t know me.  Only a few select people really know me and even some of them only know what they think they know.  Funny how people are.  When I want to get to know someone I talk to them, watch them, and try to get to know them.  Still some people are always hiding behind a facade which makes it hard to see who they really are.

Still you can infer who or what a person are by their behaviors.  Not always correct, but usually a very good indicator.

For example if you see someone wandering around placing their  face against people’s windows or using their children as a way to look into people s homes, what would you infer from that?  Would you think that they are criminals?  Would you think that they are curious?  What would you think?

If you notice someone being mean to others, what would you think about that person?  Would you want them to get close to you?

If you notice someone doesn’t talk much and is very withdrawn, what would you think?  Would you talk to them with a normal conversation?  Would you think something is bothering them?  Would you think that maybe just maybe they are suffering with something they don’t feel like sharing?  Would you make fun of them?  Would you pick on them instead?  What would you do?

If you notice someone lie to someone else when you know the truth, what would you think about them?

Yeah so was thinking about that.  People aren’t perfect, but still it’s not right or fair to make someone into something they aren’t because of what you’ve been told.

People have been murdered because of a lie.  People have been beat up and hurt because of something someone told them.  People have had their life turned upside down because of what they’ve been told.

It’s like in one o f my stories.  The characters have been treated badly because of something that someone told a group of people, whether it was true or not.  How would you feel if you were sitting around listening to people tell you who you are?  Tell people who your family is?  All because they got access to information that they shouldn’t have had access to in the first place.  It caused them problems at work.  It cause them problems at home.  How strange it seems that someone is literally stalking them, watching them, and listening to them.  The worse thing is that whomever seems to think it’s the right thing to do because they have the right to know, and the characters have to deal with the ridicule, the loneliness, and the suspicions.  All these things make their life hard to live because they don’t know who to trust any more or who is worth being a part of their life and who might try to hurt them.  All because of the actions of one person which caused a mob mentality. Something that spilled out of the jar and continues to flow no matter where they go.  It’s a horrible feeling.  The characters know no one would believe them, but they also know people know exactly whats going on, they talk about it, yet instead of sympathy more meanness because everyone believes the lies over them.  Then the characters think they are going crazy and they know they aren’t.  One guy is really losing it.  The other…maybe he will too never know.  Still imagine being the characters and feeling what they feel.  Feeling as if they were always in danger?  Feeling as if they have no one to trust, and no one who will be there for them.  How would you handle it?

Cowboy….sexy cowboy who didn’t drink a lick of alcohol.  Interesting.

Alcohol can change people’s mentality.  Nice people can turn mean and evil.  Some people get psychotic.  Some people seem to love the floor they just sit there like they are supposed to.  Some people talk a lot while others become stone faced.  Some people want to fight.  It’s strange.  Still it’s messes with the chemicals in the brain causing a change.

Yeah alcohol is a drug.  Pretty much anything that alters your body’s normal function is a drug illegal or legal.  Just sometimes you have to take medicine.  I mean the ones you can get a prescription for or something for a specific thing, like headaches, allergies, etc.  Something you can buy in a store in the pharmacy section.  There you go for the smart asses who will say well you can buy alcohol in the store where you can get medicine.  That’s true, but alcohol unless it’s rubbing alcohol is not in the pharmacy section.  I do not advise you to drink that alcohol.  That will send you to the hospital.

Well I better go.


So yeah, I told them something and they believed me.



You must have sound convincing.

Yeah she doesn’t trust me though.

No because you were making fun of her and you were telling everyone that she doesn’t talk to you.  Maybe because she heard you that’s why she doesn’t talk to you.  You’re always complaining that she doesn’t talk to you, but you seem to know way too much about her, like her age, her schedule, when someone is coming over.  What the hell are you doing?  Did you hack her cell phone?  Do you know someone she knows?  Plus you and your friends go into her home so you can watch her cable.  You could get that whole family into trouble you know.

Whatever.  I lost my job.

Yeah you lost your job because you wanted to hang out with your friends instead of going to work.


What lies have you told this time?   Do you know you could send a lot of people to prison because of your vindictiveness?


Do they know the truth about your background?  It’s funny how you talk and can manipulate people.  Yet because you can’t manipulate her, you’re willing to do anything even convince someone to break into her home.  I hope you didn’t hire anyone.   All for $50.  Did you get them to pose as her family members?  Make them think she’s a different race this time?  What is wrong with you?  You’ve been sneaking into her home ever since you got in that one time.  You made sure the door was fixed.

You brought in the wrong people you talked to the wrong person and you got someone to steal her stuff didn’t you?   They got a hold of her bank account.  Funny how did you get it in the first place.  Have you been listening to her?  What about that credit card you’ve been using?  It’s not a credit card.  It’s your fault you lost your job, why would you steal from your neighbors?  Maybe you heard someone else plotting and planning and decided to help them?  What the hell is wrong with you?  You have a kid.

Not sure why


Not really sure why I’ve been thinking about racism, but in reality I’m talking about pretty much all discrimination.  Might be all the history stuff I’ve been watching, or movies or something.  Not sure.

By the way when I say stuff Hispanic guys said, I mean some things they said about themselves not about me.

So yeah.  It’s one of those days.  Not going to get into it, but feel free to ask someone who lives near me they’ll fill you in.

Peace of mind.

I’ve been a bit…

Shake your booty.

Not really much to say.  Got a lot to do, but yeah.


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