I guess I shouldn’t have drunk all of that caffeine today.  I can’t even spell.

Any way.  Trust.

So yeah I want to trust some people, but unfortunately there are very few people I will trust with something.  Which makes me seem like the bad guy to everyone else because I don’t readily share everything.  In reality you don’t need to share everything with everyone.

I can’t remember what passage in the bible, or what chapter because I’m sure I wrote it down, but of course I don’t have it in front of me.  Yet it was a story about a rich man who was stranded in the wilderness or the desert with his servants.  Of course the servants did not know his business or his life.  They never watched him bathe or sleep, the same for him as we all know the servants quarters would have been separate from his.  Since they are out fighting the elements together they saw each other in their most vulnerable state.  So he had to put his trust in them and they in him and they had to promise not tell anyone what had happen.  I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have because they would have been more afraid of him having them killed.  He had to learn to trust them and they had to learn to trust him.

To me trust is not given right away.  I think it took me having to learn that from some people.  Which makes it even more important to put people in categories.

Side note.  I think my neighbors or whomever have gotten better at being quiet about eavesdropping on my conversations and whatever else they do.  Still not sure why they would care who I’m talking to on the phone, or how much money is in my bank account, or where I went this morning.  I’m not sure.  I hope I was just imagining things, but I don’t think so.  People seem to get excited when they are listening for things.  I instantly think of the break in, so yeah makes me think it’s to steal and know my schedule.  Plus I seriously think I’m boring, so to even bother doing something like that in the first place makes me wonder what kind of lies they were told.  Perhaps it’s stereotyping me.  Kind of weird because it scares me and makes me feel like I’m being stalked.  I really do think they know one of my co-workers, but they failed to tell them why they don’t see me in that building.


Yet I find it strange that people will trust what people say no matter how outrageous it is.  They trust a lie instead of the truth.  A lie can be like a weed in an orchard.  It’ll slowly creep up the grapevine and wrap itself around it till it eventually takes over going from one vine to the next till everything is lost.  Once that happens there’s not much you can do now is there?

Learning who can become part of your confidence is hard.

I know people have told me some things.  It’s something, I still remember things I’ve been told and I’ve never told anyone.  Yet when I confide in some people it goes all over like the news about a hurricane or a tsunami on all day for weeks.

Hey!  Are you looking for me?  Can’t find me?  Where am I now?  Am I behind you?  Did you take my stuff because you thought I would fucking leave my place more?  Didn’t you notice I was gone a lot?  Of course you had to notice, right?

Did you harm them?  Did you poison them?   Did you kill them?

Sorry, was thinking about when my stuff was stolen.  I wonder if they thought it would make me leave my house more.  Funny I wasn’t home hardly  during that time.  Sometimes I was only able to sleep for a few hours.  So that would have been a stupid reason to take my stuff.   Funny though someone said they were going to replace the stuff that was stolen.  Still don’t see it back now do I?

Oh man.

Any way it’s hard to trust people.  I like to only keep those few I do trust close to me.

Chaos is caused by entrusting someone with something they don’t deserve.  Especially something that is important.

I remember this song back in the day.  A church song to be exact.  It was about someone who had a problem told someone and they told two friends and they told two friends, etc.  So basically it became rumor ville.  The sad thing is that song is true.

Tell one person something important that you don’t want anyone else to know.  They will run and tell someone else, who runs and tells someone else, who runs and tells someone else, etc.  It’s like that diagram we use for playoffs where you start off with 60 teams and whittles down to 1.  Take team one and they tell team two.  Team two tells 10 more teams and each of those teams tell 10 more teams.  Before long ever team in every continent knows.  I’m exaggerating, but think of it that way,  That’s a lot of people knowing your secret right?

It’s like that feather pillow analogy.  Climb up a building and cut open a down feather pillow. The feathers can blow all over the world.  If you tried to get all of those feathers back you might be traveling the world till you die.  It’s the same with what people say about you.  You can’ t go to everyone person trying to change their mind about you.  You can’t stop people from talking, unfortunately that’s what humans do.  The best thing to do is take care of yourself and your family, keep your head held high and those who want to know you will ignore the bullshit and come and find out who you are for themselves.

I guess trust makes me think about what you share with someone and what they tell someone else, is completely different. Might cause rumors.  Might cause people to treat you differently from the way they treated you before.  Causes a lot of damage.

What kind of lawyers


Bob listened.  It looks like they brought their legal team up today.  Not only did they bring the HR department up, they brought their legal team.

This was all due to Michelle’s prying.  Not only had they asked his former employer for his file, they shared the contents with their employees.  He still does not understand why they did that.  He assumed it was because he was a nurse and black.  What if he had been white like Michelle?  What about Asian, or Mexican?

Still the worse was listening to them going through his sister’s file.  The lawyers had told Michelle they could have had his sister’s kids taken away.  She and they were calling places.  He knew that file was not to be accessed.  He couldn’t even get a hold of the file.  How the hell did they get a hold of the file?  Did they fucking lie to get it?  What his family did was none of their business, it should have been all about him.  Of all the things his sister had done, this time it wasn’t her fault.  They had no idea why that happened to his sister.  They didn’t know the whole fucking truth.  How dare they call her a prostitute?  Was it because she was black and the only reason why a black woman would be where she was, was because she was a prostitute?  What about not paying speeding tickets, or parking violations?   Still they got access to the kids files.  How the hell did they get access to that?  They had the nerve to call him a fucking monster?  Really?  Who the fuck shares confidential files with their employees?  Apparently these monsters do.

He fucking would never have known if the skinny, snobby, stuck up, and over-confident legal team member had never pointed him out.  “Is that him?”  he asked as he walked by the group.  Even the foreigners pointed him out glad that he didn’t belong to their race.  He could see it on their faces when he walked by.

He was being followed.  When he took his break he was followed.  One day he was drinking a lot of water and Michelle kept wondering why he was going to the bathroom a lot.  He had to fucking pee.  So then he started noticing he was being watched going to the bathroom.  One of them tried to poison his coffee.  Good thing he poured it out.  It was probably fucking Ivan.  He had no fear.  It was between him and Joaquin.  Yet Vincent he would be the sneaky one.  He probably found a way to get into his apartment.  He seemed to be a bit proud of himself one day.  They even were talking about the pictures of his refrigerator.  What fucking monsters…

What kind of legal team did they have?  Apparently their team completely sold their soul to the devil.  The evil that seeped from these people.

Even when HR showed them his file and told them it was only a career change and it was none of their business for them doing this, they didn’t stop.  The only reason HR knew was because they tried to transfer him.  They were embarrassed apparently because they had no business doing another background check on him and investigating him, so their solution was to transfer him.  This triggered more meetings because he wasn’t their employee, you can’t transfer a temporary employee without consulting their temp agency.  People asking if it was safe for him to be there, like he had AIDS or he was a disease.  They of course started firing people because of what they did, but did they stop?  No.  They even asked his previous employer if they had proof of what they put in his personnel file.  He even found out they thought his damn locker had medications in it, and was surprised it didn’t.  What fucking liars those nurses were.  Why would he put his job in jeopardy for medications.  He could be like most of the people he knew and be addicted to illegal and legal drugs, but he wasn’t.  He sure would have a problem right now because he would be sneaking back to the hospital trying to get medicine or begging someone to steal some for him wouldn’t he?  Yet he wasn’t.  They had to tell the employees the real truth.  Still he knew that because of all the things they had shared with their employees, it would continue.

They had opened the can of worms, let a few out and instead of closing it, let them all crawl out.  It wasn’t going to stop, and they weren’t going to stop.  They would continue to sit there and treat him like he wasn’t a person and tell anyone new about him.  He would have to sit and endure this all because they were embarrassed.  Instead of stopping they continued.  It was like watching the Klan intent on lynching him, with twisted and determined faces.  Nothing would stop them, not even the one poor lawyer who tried.

He knew they had called his former employers.  The would be pissed off because some of them gave them a number to call for his personnel file.  Some they emailed, while others they called.  They were pissed off because they only had nice things to say.  They even called his pharmacies.  He knew that they would find out that his family members were attached to his name in the pharmacies.  They would probably ask for all of their medications.  Fucking monsters.

Whats worse is how easily they said it would be to tap his phone.  Oh he has his phone through the cable company that’s easy.  So easy for them to work with his cell phone provider.  How easy it would be.  He wondered if they realized that they really don’t have probable cause.  Yet he was sure they would fucking do it.

He knew they knew what he was singing when he would sing into his phone.  He would intentionally place his phone to his mouth and sing and wait for their comments.  “Oh he’s giving us a concert.”  So if they could listen to that then, what else where they listening to?  So he would take his phone apart so when he had an important conversation, then they wouldn’t hear him.

He was also sure that they got a hold of his bank account.  He would hear them giggle about something.  His bank has been his bank for years.  Would they be that insane?

He wondered what form of evil would they do.  Would they trick his family members, into giving them information?  Would they lie to them?  Would they pretend to be the FBI and get information from them?  He put nothing past them.  They were way past reason and logic.  They would do anything to get what they wanted, even if it was illegal or taking advantage of someone.

Still the worse was wondering if it would follow him for the rest of his life.  Would it follow him to his future place of employment?  Would it follow him to his church?  He knew they knew where he went to church one of the girls who worked there knew.  He also knew one of the girls who worked they were of the same religion as he.  Yet she apparently didn’t believe in “He who is without sin cast the first stone,” or the phrase innocent until proven guilty.  So he really didn’t trust her or anyone else.

He was sure one person might stand up for him.  Jessica.  She seemed smart.  Still he knew they must have threatened them with firing them, if they said one world to Mario or even spoke about it.  So if she did, she would have gotten fired.

Just waiting to be lynched by this lynch mob.

Boundaries…yeah that’s right


Once again the disclaimer is because I know of one specific person who would be a co-worker who would find this in a suspicious manner and share it with everyone I work with.  Mostly because she/they/he  enjoy making fun of me.  The issue is not finding it accidentally, it would be purposeful, and done in a hateful and mean manner.  Hence the reason why I do not share things with some people.  If you don’t understand how much I value something I share with you and only you, then you don’t deserve to be a part of my circle.  I value my privacy.  I value things I consider mine.  I also value that you ask me first before you give someone something of mine such as my phone number.  I also value that if I confide something to someone, they in turn would not run and tell the whole fucking place.  So basically that also shows that I can not trust some people because of that.

Gossiping….that’s what that is.

Also, I should have the right to share what I want with someone myself.  If I don’t want to share something with you, you can’t take offense.  People don’t share everything with me and that’s fine, why because that’s their right.  Do I take offense?  No.

Boundaries are needed.  Mot people don’t like boundaries.  Why because you can’t access what you want, so people devise ways of by passing the boundaries.

It’s just like I’ve been told by guys I have too many rules. They are not rules, they are boundaries.  There’s a difference.

Like for example how I like to keep my personal and private life separate from my work life.  That’s a boundary.  Now like I’ve said before there are some of my co-workers who know a bit more about me, but not everything.  Then there are others who instead of talking to me they ask someone else, who doesn’t know a thing about me.  The only way they would know anything about me, would be if they were doing something illegal.  Also like dating someone at work, if they can keep it between me and them, then that’s completely different.  Unfortunately I don’t think that would happen because of course it would involve me wouldn’t it?  Anything I do everyone knows.

Speaking of something illegal.  I wonder if people ever think if I put a listening device or a camera in someone’s home to watch them, as illegal.  I mean I’m sure hotels might do it.  Maybe even apartment complexes.  Remember those news stories about cameras in bathrooms and the guy got arrested for that because it’s a form of voyeurism.  I wonder if doing that to someone and posting it somewhere ever weighs on their consciousness.

Still it’s probably a form of stalking.

Any way, so I know people hate boundaries.  That’s because it keeps them from doing whatever they want to do.  Boundaries are good, not bad.

Usually people who are used to someone being a certain way with them and then once they start putting up boundaries and saying no, it really messes up that relationship.  If the person was taken advantage of, or always there when they were needed, or sacrificed what they wanted to do for that person, and now they are doing things they wanted it’s a completely different situation and it can cause relationships to suffer.  Still it should be for the greater good.

I don’t think most people use boundaries.

Why I write

The reason why I don’t want to share my blog with my co-workers and anyone who may or may not live near me or know me is because I can tell who will make fun of me and who will embrace it.

I’d rather they find on their own, which some of the ones I would never share anything intimate with will find it because I wouldn’t ever share it with them.  I also know some of my co-workers will try to use this against me to try to get me fired.  I really do and they would also discuss it around a water cooler, like it was last nights news.  Why because that’s easier than trying to get to know me face to face.

Do I care if they find it, only if it leads to me having to be in the office trying to fight for my job, yeah.

People can be so cruel.

Same with my neighbors.  Which I seriously think they are related to or know some of my co-workers.  Not very happy about that.  No offense, but I’d prefer my private life be very separate from my work life

So this is something big and bold and I enjoy it.  I know there will be critics, but it’s something I want to do.

So I’m sure people enjoy it.

I found out someone was transferring a lot of money from my account.  They took like $2,000.00.  No wonder they were upset when they couldn’t access it any more.  It still bothers me because I do believe someone knows when money is being taken from my account now even to the last cent.  I guess they never left.

So I don’t really care if anyone likes or cares what I write.  Sometimes I just write off of the top of my head. Other times there is a certain thing I’m writing about.   It’s just a great way to be creative and it’s my thing.

Well lata.


Been reading some things.  I know some people don’t like reading, but I do.

Been learning some things.  Sometimes reading and learning go hand in hand.

Still it’s a good thing.

Just wish I had done this sooner.

I also have been thinking about how people instead of admitting they are doing or did something wrong in turn to try cover it up, or turn it into something worse.  It’s like taking a stain and instead of trying to make it disappear, you just make it worse till you have to burn the shirt or whatever.  If instead of continuing, maybe a quick think about how wrong it was and maybe even an apology would be better.  Still I don’t think most people think that way.  They want that other person to look worse because they feel guilt or ashamed for what they did.  Kind of like mirroring their feelings.  So there is always a reason.

So yeah.  Thinking.

Not much to talk about today.  Well later.

Is that….


“Is that because of your sister?”  He asked as he looked at her while reading.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,”  she looked at him.

“So why are we really here?  What did your sister say?”

“She just said that she threatened him.”

“Yeah you can see as well as I can that she doesn’t talk to him, so I’m not sure how or why she is threatening him.  You sure your sister told you the whole truth?  I know she’s your sister, but you know it’s different because she is your sister.  You believe her, but look at her.  She barely answers her text messages.  She doesn’t invite anyone over.  You ever wonder why?”


“Any way why are we continuing.  We aren’t supposed to be here and besides we are interrupting something else.  I think there is something else going on and with us here we could cause a big problem.  We could interrupt an investigation.  That has worse consequences.”



“You’d do anything for family.”

“Yes, but not something that doesn’t make sense.   You have to think about the consequences and what it could do to not just you, but your family.  What if we get caught?  What would the consequences be?  We could go to prison.  Not just us, but more people.  Besides how did they get her stuff?  How do you know about that?”


“I don’t understand this at all.  Why do you insist on being a part of a strangers life when you have your own to deal with?  This is wrong and we have the balls to call her crazy.  We don’t know shit about her, just what your sister told you, plus the text messages and the voice mail, and other things we read.  Shit are we still watching her bank account?  She’s going to change it again.  Think about the consequences of that.  We could go to federal prison for that.  Besides that we could get her banker fired.  Did you think about what a domino effect this could cause?”


“Vengeance….that’s all you see.”



Strange way



I think about how strange it is that I refuse to text or call anyone who I work with unless they text or call me first.  I refuse to unless I know they are ok with it.  When I do it’s rare and short.  I always give my number and not ask for theirs and let them text me first.  I guess I was taught that I have to be that way.

Don’t get me wrong.  I do communicate with my co-workers, but if it’s not at work or for a specific reason I won’t.  Not even to wish someone happy birthday.

Yet I know my co-workers call and text each other.  They even Facebook each other, yet I don’t even want that.  I try to keep my Facebook friends from work to a minimum and I even don’t even use it.

Makes you wonder what makes me that way.  Like I’ve said, I was taught to be that way and that’s the way it has to be.  It’s not the same for me as it is for everyone else.  I am not allowed.

Even still like I’ve said before.  My co-workers are my co-workers.  They stay there and very few would ever be moved from that category.  I can’t ever get too close to some.

I’ve been taught that everything you say to certain people will move through like a tornado causing devastation and destruction in its path.

Yet my friends know that if they need me I’ll be there for them in a heart beat.  I will call them and check up on them.  I will text them randomly.  We are open that way.

I guess I feel it’s strange to completely open yourself to someone without them showing you, that you can completely trust them.  Never again will I be that naive.  I will always make everyone gain my trust.  There is just too much you can lose by trusting the wrong person.

So yeah.  It’s different for me.

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