Oh yes the cowboy was hot. He was cute and he even smiled at me and winked at me. Chemistry. Still what does that mean? Well it means one thing. Whomever you think I should be with I can’t be with them. It means I am looking, and want to be with someone who does like me for who I am. Not someone who lives in a fantasy world and think that the woman they should be with, should look like a super model.
I mean the last guy I cared about, something didn’t seem right. It’s hard to explain, but it was like he was put up to talking to me.
You didn’t think I would like him did you? Did you think that he would like me? Did you think he would hurt me? He didn’t really you know. It’s just that guys are guys and you know right away what type they are even if you are attracted to them and they treat you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Even if it’s for a short time. Still I had some things going on.
I wouldn’t turn to anyone else. I’d prefer to find someone who thinks I’m worth it and actually shows me they care about me.
It’s funny though I did go through a vulnerable period and usually guys can smell that, but no one tried to take advantage.
I can’t go backwards I have to go forward. As long as someone is trying to manipulate my love life, I can’t have anything to do with anyone that person knows.
I’m not a puppet and because everyone else is your puppet doesn’t make me one. I actually will cut my strings and be my own person. It will always be my choice, not anyone else’s. I will always do what I want to do.
Funny now I know where someone gets it.
Unfortunately I’m going to hurt someone because I can’t let my walls down with them. They also can’t break it down.
I have to put people in categories. Some people are in several while others will only be in one.
By the way I think some of my nosey neighbors saw me and the cowboy the other night. Funny though, I didn’t see any of them. I guess I should ask them if they thought he was hot. I hope they don’t try to do anything to the cowboy. He was nice. It was a nice change.
Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, and booty calls. I think some people have weird arrangements. Sometimes that’s ok if you’re ok with it. But it can hurt someone in the long run. If one of them likes the other one. Plus it’s not really a good healthy relationship. If you are open to that, I guess it works out for some people. Just make sure to wear protection.
Still I prefer not to find guys in bars. Not saying there aren’t any good guys out there, but some dudes want to grab you and stuff and that isn’t allowed on my playing field. Holding not a good play and it sure isn’t going to get you a touch down. Plus guys tend to look for girls who are drinking. I know they tell you to always have a drink in your hand, but I think that’s a trick. I have a coke in my hand and he thinks I’m drinking rum and coke or something. Then he buys me a rum and coke, that I won’t drink. I watch them and you see them watch how tipsy and incoherent someone is. Still I have fun and chit-chat.
Still that guy wasn’t the first cowboy I thought was cute.
Well next time my neighbors see me out they should say hi.
I wonder if someone would ever pay someone to break into someone’s home. I’m sure it’s happened before. Still I wonder why they would do that?
Still I think that neighbor I had wanted to know when I wouldn’t be home. If they didn’t want to get into my place, then they knew someone who did. Still I wonder why they would want to, when I know they knew what was in my place. There wasn’t anything worth taking. The stuff they could or did take, they wouldn’t get a lot of money for it. $50 at the most maybe. Might even try to steal my identity. Get into my bank account, use my bank card that they thought was a credit card, or hurt those people I care about by getting their information. I can see if I had to have every electronic device when it came out and every expensive thing, but I really can’t afford that. I think they were misinformed or heard something they had no business hearing. I hope they are enjoying my things whoever took them.
I think someone thought that the other person was my girlfriend. I don’t like girls like that. I’m sorry to disappoint everyone who likes to put me in the category of lesbian, but I’m not. I like guys. Just because I don’t wear makeup or talk about who I fucked the other night doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. Also that I don’t have tons of random dudes coming in and out of my place. I guess that means I’m a lesbian because I’m not a whore? Then add the fact that everyone always talks about how I don’t have any kids. (Apparently someone thought I had two kids, because they saw them one day. Now how did they see those kids? Why even bring them up?) Like that neighbor I had decided to talk about that one night outside my door about how old I was which I never told them and how I didn’t have kids. (So yeah. That was a bit weird hearing someone who doesn’t know you discuss things about you. Maybe they should have stopped stealing my mail.) So apparently all of those factors makes you a lesbian. No it doesn’t. There’s a reason why I don’t wear make up or a lot of jewelry. There’s a reason why I don’t have any kids yet. I know, how can I put this, some people would assume by my age I would have 6 or 7 kids because of what I look like, where I live, and I’m assuming statistically. Still I’m not like everyone else and once again, you don’t know me.
You don’t know Jack was an awesome game when it came out.
Oh well I better go I have something to do.